The Journey Continues

Tomorrow, I start what's called an Explore Course.  This tells me about a church I want to go to and the specifics of it.  I'm really hoping it will help get me out of the "cerebral" and back into the feeling of things emotionally.  As I have said I am gunshy about going back to church.  But I know I need to have more of Jesus in my life and this will help come from church community....we shall see. Stay tuned....

Does He Care?

Do you ever wonder if God's love is real?

Do you ever wonder if he's there?

Do you ever wonder if Jesus is listening?

Do you wonder if He really cares?

How many people would give up their child

or give up their life for another?

How many people would to hell and back;

suffer torment and strife for a brother?

Would we really suffer the ultimate heartache;

the death of our only child?

Would we really turn our backs on our children;

leave them abandoned in a world run wild?

That's what the Father did when He sacrificed Jesus;

His wonderful beloved Son.

He sent him to earth just for our sake.

The grief of a Father was a battle won.

How can we ever thank Jesus,

and the love and mercy He gives.

Where would we be without his blood,

the one thing in life that makes us live.

Do we ever fully realize,

what it took to fulfill the Father's will?

He had to stand by and watch his only son

beaten, tortured and killed.

So when you're not sure if the Lord's love is deep,

if you're not sure that He's really there...

Just look at a child and think of the Father

who had his Son put to death.

How can you doubt that He cares?

written 4/12/2003

Who Am I to Be?

Who am I to be Oh Lord?

What is my desire?

What is it that's deep within that sets my heart on fire?

All my life I've tried to be who others want me to,

I've run in circles, jumped through hoops

For praise that came too few.

I feel so tired, so all alone

Ready to give in.

Will I ever find the love I need?

The love I need to win.

Some say you love no matter what,

No matter where we've gone.

Could there really be someone there?

When I'm weak, He is strong?

Who am I to be, Oh Lord?

What is your desire?

What is it you see in me that sets my heart on fire?

Can you see past the pain and sin,

Past the guilt and shame?

Can you still love me after all and

Does your love remain the same?

Are you someone who won't laugh at me,

Or hurt me or betray?

Someone who will never say those two words...

Go away!

I need for you to love me Lord.

For you to set me on fire,

Please Abba, draw me near to you 

Show me your hearts desire.

Will you take my hopes, my dreams, my plans

Not crush or laugh them away?

Will you really stand alongside me, 

Give me the strength that I need to stay.

Cheering me on, believing in me, drying my tears when I fall,

Showing me that by your love,I'm not alone afterall.

Who do you want me to be Oh Lord?

Give me your heart's desire.

Dear Jesus, I vow to follow you

And help to spread your fire.

written 7/27/2000

The Worship of Their Song

What can you say? There are no words,

The pain's too much to bear.

The questions loom, you don't understand,

His face you see everywhere.

How do you hope? How do you grieve?

How do you truly go on?

What will life look like? How will you breathe?

Do you even want to know?

Look at the birds of the air, high in skies overhead

hear their song fill the treet.

Never a care, never a fear,

SOARING, SINGING and FREE!

When the storm comes and teh winds blow,

They don't struggle or make their own way.

They stretch out their wings and glide on the 

Winds of the One who has numbered their days.

The storms sometimes take them even higher,

Reaching farther heights than before.

They're carried to places of safety,

Mountain peaks or distant shores.

There they rest to prepare to keep going,

They find comfort shelter and peace.

They're not anxious or fearful of troubles,

There call sings of joyous release.

When you feel your pain will consume you

The road you're on is too long.

Just look to the sky, turn your ears to the trees.

Hear the call of the birds and the worship of their song.

My current journey

I have been on a journey for the past few months.  This journey has been to answer a big question, why do I go to church.  Since the church I went to ended, I want to decide where to go and why to go.  This will be the first time in my life that I get to decide where I go to church. 

I do love Jesus Christ and want to serve Him with my whole life. But, does this mean that I have to sit in church week after week and take the risks to be hurt by people.  I have invested in Christian Community before and most of the people there have caused great pain.  I know people will do that, maybe I would expect something different from people who claim to love and follow Jesus Christ. I am thankful for the very few close friendships that were born out of this, don't get me wrong.  I do the Lord's work and calling every day of my life, so why do I need to be in "community" to make this happen and for me to grow.

This is one of my musings....the journey continues.......